Over this past year, much with the help of my mentor, I have been changing things to ease up in many areas. According to those employment personality type assessments, I'm an "Achiever." The pros- highly motivated and goal oriented, but the cons- perfectionist and "never good enough." One of the things I have been trying to ease up on is filling each moment, needing to be productive (at least in ways that I thought were actively productive). This is unhealthy, don't do it! When it came to fitness I was equally "motivated" and doing Insanity, the body-weight version of P90X, a very intense, high impact exercise program for over a year. Watching a youtube clip advertisement is enough to wear you out, but I was determined to do it. It was effective in terms of fitness alone, but not overall well-being, so I've decided to take a break. I haven't been doing it that often for many months now, even before I left I was on and off of it depending on time. My official break began partly because of physical exhaustion from the commute. Walking, taking 3 trains, and walking again just one way to work is still taking a toll. [Other reasons are TMI (too much info) for a public blog!] Anyways, I've switched to yoga. Again, maybe extreme coming from the high impact cardio, but the past week of it has been lovely. I can listen to any music or pray while going through the poses. I'm also increasing my calcium and vitamin intake, finally realizing I can't take my health for granted. By being much less comfortable and having to figure things out here, I've seen many things I previously took for granted. God has changed my heart to be more grateful on a regular basis.
I've been continuing the early morning start to get my mindset and priorities set before the day begins. It has given me more peace throughout the day. Now incorporating a five minute "sun salutation" yoga session.
I'm in a small group Bible study about Job (not employment, that's the guy's name), studying material along with the rest of the small groups at church. It's a three part study, including the weekend sermon, our personal study with materials given, and watching a DVD lesson that the pastor put together.
The two things that have stood out most so far through reading more on Job:
1) Job's honest "lament-laden worship" (quoted from ESV commentary) after he lost his possessions and family. He didn't pretend he could be happy all the time, but worshipped even in sadness. There have been some difficulties I can't write about here, but I am reminded to go to my heavenly Father's presence and be openly torn/sad/heartbroken about the situation while still praising God for who he ALWAYS is.
2) God won't let go of us or undo salvation; we are firmly planted in his hand. Satan tried to prove to God that Job would turn away, but Job's response shows that God's saving work is powerful and permanent.
Psalm 37:23-24 The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.
Psalm 121:4 Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.
Jude 24 Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.
Last Friday at the youth/young adult service the pastor taught on Jude 24. It seems to be a theme, that even though circumstances may be difficult and hard to deal with, God is holding on to me and won't let me go.